The Ineveitable Year End List Part Deux

Here are some more for the year end list:

Person Of The Year: Of course it's Barak Obama. You don't really get a bigger and better story than a black man making it to the house black men built. Add this to the fact that prior to this he did absolutely nothing and it makes for quite a saga. Now let's pray that the crap shoot works.

Worst Person Of The Year: It's just gotta be the "Grinch" Bernard Madoff. He broke the bank, in fact several banks. 50 billion dollars gone and one person has already blown his brains out over the loses.

People Who Got The Biggest Bum Rap This Year: Bill Ayers who used to be a memeber of the "Weather Underground" and was a suspected bomber but never convicted and who now is an older expert on education in the Chicago area. In order to lower people's opinion of Obama, Ayers past and links to Obama were dragged through the mud. To Ayers credit he said nothing. The other person who got caught in the whirlwind of besmerching Obama was the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, a firey Chicago preacher who married the Obama's. He was assailed for sermons that he gave. The only problem way, he was dead right on in everything he said.

Biggest Bummer Of The Year: The death of '50's pin-up icon Bettie Page and the death of Paul Newman who has been in movies for most of my life. Both of them left this world in great shape having left us with only great memories.

Biggest Story Of The Year: It would have been the election, but then the ecomomy went into the dumper and pushed it to the side. This had an effect on all of us. The bad part is that this may be an even bigger story next year.

The Best Non-American Non-story : Brit comedian Russell Brand invites Brit Tv presenter Jonathan Ross onto his BBC Radio Show. They then called Andrew Sachs whose only major claim to fame was that he played Manuel, the waiter on "Fawlty Towers".  Ross then let loose to Sach's machine that Brand had fucked his grandaughter. Courtesy of the Guardian here is the transcript of what went on:

Russell Brand: Hello Andrew Sachs, this is Russell Brand … you are meant to be on my show now mate … I am here with Jonathan Ross. I could still do the interview to your answerphone.

Jonathan Ross: Let's do it …

Brand: Man … er, Andrew Sachs.

Ross: Don't call him Manuel, that's really bad manners. I apologise for Russell - he's an idiot.

Brand: I said Andrew Sachs! Look Andrew Sachs I have got respect for you and your lineage and your progeny, never let that be questioned.

Ross: Don't hint …

Brand: I weren't hinting! Why did that come across as a hint?

Ross: Because you know what you did…

Brand: That wasn't a hint …

Ross: He fucked your granddaughter!

[laughter in the studio]

Brand: That's his answerphone!

Ross: I'm sorry … I apologise Andrew, I apologise, I can't help it, you were talking about it and it was in my head, I apologise.

Brand: Jonathan!

Ross: I got excited, what can I say, it just came out.

Brand: Right. you wait till I come on your show. Andrew Sachs I did not do nothing with Georgina … oh no, I revealed I know her name! Oh no, it's a disaster! Abort, abort! Put the phone down, put the phone down, code red, code red! I'm sorry Mr Fawlty, I'm sorry. You're a waste of space! Oh no, Jonathan …

Ross: Why did you tell me? I forgot. You mentioned her and then it was in my head and then it came out.

Brand: I know you can't be blamed for this … It's too much for you …

Ross: He is the poor man at home sobbing over his answer machine.

Brand: What's going to happen? I will get a call now from the satanic sluts.

Ross: If he is like most people of a certain age he has probably got a picture of his grandchildren when they were young and innocent right by the phone. So while he is listening to the message he is looking at a picture of her when she was about nine on a swing …

Brand: She was on a swing when I met her … let's ring back Andrew Sachs.

[They call for a second time]

Ross: Hello! Manuel here!

Sachs: [his answer machine message] Sorry I can't answer at the moment …

Brand: [interrupting] … I am too busy thinking about killing myself … Andrew, this is Russell Brand. I am so sorry about the last message - it was part of the radio show, it was a mistake … The truth is I am phoning you to ask if I can marry - that's right, marry - Georgina the granddaughter.

Ross: And I would like to be a page boy.

Brand: He wants to be a page boy, we are going to have a Fawlty Towers-themed wedding.

Ross: Now you've spoilt it!

Brand: No! I made it better. I'm sorry, I'll do anything. I wore a condom. Put the phone down! Oh what's going to happen. Look I've got a mental illness. Do you think that made it better?

Ross: You will never become king rat in the Variety Club now.

Brand: Oh no, that's over for me now … Jonathan I think we've made the situation worse ... We've got to stop upsetting Manuel. This time Jonathan I'm convinced we can make it better.

Ross: Let's just sing to him.

Brand: I'll make up something as I go along…

[Third message]

Brand: [singing…] I'd like to apologise for the terrible attacks, Andrew Sachs, I would like to show contrition to the max, Andrew Sachs. I would like to create world peace, between the yellow, white and blacks, Andrew Sachs, Andrew Sachs. I said something I didn't have oughta, like I had sex with your granddaughter. But it was consensual and she wasn't menstrual, it was consensual lovely sex. It was full of respect I sent her a text, I've asked her to marry me, Andrew Sachs …

Ross: This has made it worse, you have trivialised the whole incident.

Brand: Hang up, hang up! It's trivialised it!

Ross: You know there is one way we could possibly make it better …

Brand: We can keep ringing, and even after the show's finished, kick his front door in and scream apologies into his bottom.

Ross: Hello, Manuel is not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone…

[Fourth message]

Brand: I am sorry, I am so sorry … that I had a difficult life, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Andrew. Let's just take some time together, we can meet up.

Ross: You're making it worse, just say sorry.

Brand: Jonathan Ross is sorry as well, it was his idea … Sorry about everything that's ever happened …

[Later]

Brand: No one could have been offended by anything that went on in that show.

Ross: Who could possibly be offended by anything there? If they were they are crazy people.

Brand: If Andrew Sachs listens to his answerphone message when he gets it …

Ross: The saving grace is you didn't have anything to do with his granddaughter did you?

Brand: Oh actually I did, I slept with her, but it was ultimately undermined, not undermined, underlined with love.

On the day after the incident only a handful of people called the "Beeb" to complain.   Three weeks later due to excessive tabloid coverage that blew it way out of proportion over 30,000 called in their disgust even though most of them never heard the broadcast. It had reached critical mass and resulted in Brand quiting his radio show to pursue a movie career and the BBC putting Ross on unpaid suspension from his TV shows.  The world economy including Britain's was in turmoil, but this was the big story.  And we thought we were the only ones who could get trivial.

Having said all of this there is only one thing left and that is to wish all of you,

Happy New Year!!!!!!

The Inevitable Year End List

Time now for the first annual "Bennies".

Entertainment:

Best Movie: I've got to give it to "Slumdog Millionaire". It accomplishes something that very hard to do, have a happy ending that doesn't make you want to vomit. It also does what a good film does best and that is immerse you into a world you could never be in. Danny Boyle is an amazing director who can turn out such an ugly world as the one he presented in "Trainspotting" that was devoid of any beauty and then to be able to turn out such an uplifting film as this. He is one of the best directors out there and never does the same movie twice. If there is a film that comes closest to matching this work it has to be "The Wrestler", which brings us to our next category.......

Best Actor (male or female): Mickey Rourke is the best actor in year of great performances. At first you wonder if he is just being himself and soon come to realize that he is showing you some amazing acting chops. This kind of movie has been done a thousand times but Rourke makes it feel brand new. If there was honorable mention in this category it would have to go to Michael Sheen in "Frost/Nixon" who has the more difficult of the two roles and the one that doesn't chew up the scenery.

Best Animated Film: It's a toss up between "Wall-E" because as always it is a gorgeously computer animated Pixar film and "Bolt" which via John Lassiter has the Pixar tock and is just plain fun. The worst has to be the dull and uninspired "Madagascar 2".

Best Supporting Actor (male or female): OK so I'm blinded by the fact that I have adored this actress of years, but the fact is that even in mediocre pictures she raises them up. Marisa Tomei's performance in "The Wrestler" is an example of just that. Sure she goes topless and that's enough to give her any award without asking questions, but in a film with Rourke's bravura performance, she still makes the level rise even higher. Runner-up and certainly the male Oscar contender would have to be Heath Ledger for "The Dark Knight. Each time I watch it his performance gets better and better.

Best Director: Simple Danny Boyle for "Slumdog Millionaire". Runner-up in my mind is Sam Mendes for "Revolutionary Road" another really fine film which deserves your attention.

Best Documentary: My favorite category and the winner is "Man On Wire".  This one will have you on the edge of your seat.  In 1972 tightrope walker Phillipe Petite did the impossible by stretching a cable across the then standing towers of the World Trade Center and continued with the impossible by walking across it.   This is a film you just can't dislike.  It's hard to take your eyes off the screen in this masterpiece.  Believe it is the best of the year.

Best DVD: It is definitely the Blu-Ray edition of "How The West Was Won". This Cinerama gem from the past has been restored to a pristine picture and most of those pesky seam lines in this 3 camera process have been removed. It is also presented in a format called "Smile-Box" which approximates the curve of the "Cinerama" screen, thus truly presenting it in its original format. There is a letterbox version as well and a 90 minute documentary on the process with scenes from many of the "Cinerama" travelogue style films including the iconic rollercoaster ride. The packaging is great as well feeling more like a book than a DVD. All these things come together to make one of the best DVD's ever. Runnerup is the Blu-Ray of "The Dark Knight" with it's mix of letterbox and IMAX footage

Best TV Drama: No question here. I first saw "Life On Mars" when it was a hit BBC series. I liked it but had a hard time wrapping my head around it because it was about British police and my frame of reference just wasn't there. When I heard that they were making an American version I balked. Most American attempts at retooling British shows have been abysmal. Shows like "Viva Blackpool" changed to Laughlin here were a disaster and "Worst Week" while successful I don't feel fared much better. So it was with great trepidation that I watched ABC's version of "Life On Mars" and much to my surprise it wasn't just good, it was great! After a bad start of producer and cast changes, that would doom other shows, this one flourished. The plot sounds stupid, but it works. Sam Tyler, a New York City detective in 2008 is hit by a car and when he gains consciousness to find himself in 1973 working in the same precinct. A fish out of water he finds it hard to deal with the vigilante style of his peers. Sam is played by Irish actor Jason O'Mara and his boss by Harvey Keitel who really puts this thing over the top. Add to them Gretchen Moll and Michael Imperioli who manages to exorcise his "Sopranos" rep. Great cast, great writing all add up to the best show of the year. The runner-up (and very close) "Mad Men" which never disappoints.

Best Comedy Series: OK, kill me, but I love "Big Bang Theory". There is nothing funnier than nerds and genius nerds are even funnier. I'm sorry, I always get big laughs from this show about science geeks. What I especially like is that producer/creator Chuck Lorre doesn't make the sexy girl next door stupid. She's not up to them IQ wise but she is better grounded and finds them amusing and is an anchor to their skewed reality. No cheap sitcom shots here, just smart and funny writing. My Runner-up is a hilarious but stupid show "Testees". No, it's not about balls, it's about two guys who work as test subjects for a testing lab. It makes me laugh, so shoot me. I have to mention "30 Rock" and that while it has come up a little short this year is still very funny.

Best News Program: "Frontline" on PBS. You learn more from this program that a;most any other source in any other medium. The worst has to be "Meet The Press" which always gets accolades although I can't figure out why. Question? Where the fuck is the press?

Next we'll check out our best and worst of other stuff.

A Protest of Another Kind

By Tom Yamaguchi

I must admit to feeling conflicted about Barack Obama's decision to have Rick Warren give the invocation at the inauguration. I have finally decided protest is appropriate, but not because of his stand on gay marriage. Let me explain.

Like many, my initial reaction was disbelief. Why invite him when there are other ministers who do good work without carrying Rick Warren's baggage? But is it worth going through all the effort to force him off the program? After all, it's only an invocation. He is not being nominated to a cabinet post or, worse, to the Supreme Court. It is mostly a ceremonial position, similar to being named an honorary chairperson of the Inauguration Committee that currently includes openly lesbian House Representative Tammy Baldwin.

Let's face it. Warren is not going to be uninvited no matter what we think. Obama obviously sees political advantage to having him there. Warren is an ally in the fight against global warming. That sets him apart from a lot of fundamentalists who are climate change deniers. Considering the current gridlock in Washington on enacting laws to reduce greenhouse gases, having Warren as access to faith-based communities makes a lot of sense.

So wouldn't inviting Warren be like inviting the Nazis and KKK? I have trouble with equating Warren and the Saddleback Church with those who have committed terrorism and genocide. I don't believe Warren hates LGBT people, and I have yet to read any statements by Warren that could incite acts of violence against us. Yes, the statements on marriage equality are ignorant, but I don't find them hateful. Besides, why should I care if Rick Warren believes I am going to hell? I am a person of faith, but I don't believe in the hell that Warren imagines. I don't believe in a god or goddess that would punish two people for being in love.

I support marriage equality, but I can't paint those who oppose it with the broad brush of homophobia. Believe it or not, there are people who are not homophobic but have trouble with the concept of gay marriage. They can accept domestic partnerships. They are with us when it comes to ending job discrimination, increasing penalties on hate crimes, and repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Why can't we work with these people on the issues where we agree? Why does marriage have to be the litmus test for deciding who are friends are? Do we have to adopt George Bush's "my way or the highway" mentality?

I'm not saying we should just shut up and give Obama a free pass. Warren's religious views are ridiculous and need to be ridiculed. The questions are how to protest and why we are protesting. It would be a mistake to boycott the inauguration as leaders of some LGBT organizations have suggested. If we don't show up, others will he happy to take our places, especially those who think Rick Warren is a great idea. We could show up and just turn our backs when Warren speaks, but how uncreative. Hey, we're gay people! We need a protest that is more, well, gay!

This is my protest idea. If you are going to the inauguration, take a toy dinosaur and a Barbie doll. If you don't have a Barbie you could bring a GI Joe or other human-type doll. You can choose any kind of dinosaur, even Barney, if you like. When Warren launches into his invocation, take your dinosaur and doll in each hand and wave them in front of you. Have them interact, just the way the folks at Saddleback believe real humans and dinosaurs interacted at the beginning of time. That was 5,000 years ago, right? If you're like me and will not be freezing your buns off in Washington, you and your friends can protest in front of the TV.

Wave your dolls and dinosaurs to show Obama how this choice sends the wrong message. This is the same Obama who has committed himself to restoring science to its proper place for policymaking in government. Obama has nominated Nobel winning scientists to important positions in his administration. He assures us his science team won't be afraid to confront inconvenient truths when it comes to solving our energy and environmental crises. Then he contradicts that message by promoting a man who believes the Bible is literally true. Warren does believe that God created Earth within a period of days and put dinosaurs and humans here at the same time. His extinction theory is that dinosaurs failed to survive Noah's great flood.

It's no wonder his ideas on homosexuality are screwed up. All of his ideas on biology are screwed up. It's a miracle he understands global warming. At least he doesn't agree with Evangelicals who see no reason to clean up the environment because Jesus is coming back and the world will be ending soon anyway.

We can let Rick Warren give his invocation, but let us not lose the opportunity for a teaching moment. Our protest can be that teaching moment. It wasn't Adam and Steve. It wasn't Adam and Eve. And it sure wasn't Fred Flintstone and Dino.

The Sunday Funnies 12/28/2008

Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing the craziest fuck I have ever known.  Bob Rubin for years has been one of the most inventive comics to come along.   I think you'll agree there is no one quite like him.