Thursday, January 8, 2009

Why I Should Head the FCC

by Alex Bennett

With the new administration comes new people to lead just about everything. Come on, Sanjay Gupta for Surgeon General? Give me a break! This is the guy that liberal hero Michael Moore eviscerated when he was publicizing "Sicko". He's a Goddamed TV Doc for heaven's sake. Why not nominate "House", he has bigger ratings? So if "Goopy" can get the job, why not me for Chairman of the Federal Communications Commission?

This is not a joke. To begin with, I am more than qualified. I know most of the business side and am eminently qualified to deal with the electronic side as well. Hell I can't think of many more people who have the qualifications that I do.

Here are 10 things I'd do to improve communications in this country and the commission as well:
  1. I'd get the FCC back to what its original purpose was, to monitor signals by making sure they were up to snuff and to act as an ombudsman for the public when they have complaints about the licensees.
  2. Take the FCC out of the business of being a censor, a role it was never meant to play.
  3. Make stations get back to the prime tenant of the FCC Telecommunication Act and serve in the "public interest, convenience and necessity" and live out the creed it mandated that "the airwaves belong to the people".
  4. Allow any language and topics at any hour. Most broadcasters wouldn't suddenly go crazy with dirty words or seedy topics because they do have the public and advertisers to deal with. There is currently a chill that exists in all over the air broadcasting that something might go wrong and they would be fined massive amounts of money. Let the marketplace determine what the taste should be.
  5. Reasonable nudity at a reasonable hour. Let's leave the porn to the internet and cable where people can get their fill.
  6. Repeal all the fines given stations for things like the Janet Jackson breast exposure debacle and if they already paid a fine, give them their money back. Broadcasters just should be held liable for the acts of others over which they had no control.
  7. Take all those vacant analog TV channels and convert them to free, uncensored Wi-Fi for the public.
  8. Better wireless phone service that doesn't go dead on you.
  9. While there is some question as to weather the "Fairness Doctrine" should be brought back, I do believe that licensees should be held accountable for a reasonable balance in political and social opinions aired by them.
  10. Finally, channels should be set aside on radio, TV and cable for public access to the airwaves free of charge on a first come first serve basis which would serve the needs of minority opinions and niche needs. By the way, no censorship.
That's petty good for starters. There's a lot more that needs to be done.

If this all sounds good to you go to http://change.gov and under contact send them a note suggesting me. They won't listen, but let's give it a shot.

Am I serious? Enough to quit my job, divest myself of my broadcast stock and move to that hell hole Washington D.C.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

To Seat Or Not To Seat

Roland Burris has a major distinction he is the only black Senator in the US Congress and the first black Senator not to be seated. Seeing Burris being turned away at the doors of the Senate almost looked like something out of 40 years ago in places like Selma Alabama. I suppose the most imortant thing is that there is more at stake this time than a seat at a diner.

It seems that embattled and alleged crook Governor Rob Blagojavich of Illinois appointed him to fill the vacant spot left by Barak Obama's senate seat. It is rumored that Blagojavich attempted to get people to pay for the privilege. This is all alleged. He has yet to be indicted or impeached and yet assholes like Senator Harry Reid worked to block Burris from being seated on the opening day of the senate. In other words Reid has become the judge, jury and executioner of Blagojavich. Hey look, old Rob is probably everything they say he is, but until he is tried somewhere he has the right to appoint Burris.

Of course you have to ask why Burris would want to be put in such a spot. It's because he is an idiot. Others have turned down the offer, but at 71 I suppose Burris figured this was his last chance to be anything but a state functionary. He probably felt that destiny had chosen him for this moment when in fact it was Rob who did and everybody hates Rob and so to, by association, Mr. Burris.

So what to do. Far be it for Reid to yell at Blagojavich for being corrupt because he's had a few problems of his own in the past. I suppose they should seat the guy because Illinois desperately needs full representation since for the past three years that Obama was running for president, they had only one Senator working for them.

Who really needs to be taken to task is the Illinois Secretary of State who refused to sign the papers which is why Burris was turned away. I don't think it's his job to determine what is legal and just sign the paper. He should be dumped.

The other unseated Senator was Al Franken (the former....aww if you don't know by now it doesn't matter) who lost to Norm Coleman in Minnesota on election night by 215 votes. In the mandatory recount Franken pulled ahead by 225. It's a mess and now the Repubs are moaning, so this one isn't exactly in the bank. Franken shows up declaring himself the winner. The Senate officials said "wait a minute" and sent him walking.

I don't like Franken. Not as a TV comic, an author and especially as a talk show host. He's an asshole and I don't like him. For a socialistic minded person he is completely bourgeois to those around him. But he went against Norm Coleman an even bigger asshole so I guess I'll have to go with the lesser of two jerks.

Boy are these two scenarios with no heros!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Political Cage Match

Here is an article that Alex Bennett did for Hustler Magazine. Although it pertains to the recent presidential election, it all still holds true. It was edited by Bruce David who always makes Alex look good.

Once upon a time broadcast news was nothing more than rewritten copy from the newspapers. Most newscasts ended with the admonishment “for up to the minute details, consult your local newspapers.” Sure there were a few news commentators, but actual proactive coverage was scarce.

It wasn't until World War II that radio news came into its own, thanks to a renegade reporter named Edward R. Murrow. His vivid reports from London rooftops during air raids put radio reporting on the map. Murrow and his team of CBS reporters defined what we now call “Broadcast Journalism.”

When the war was over the “Murrow Boys” helped define television news, giving CBS its “Tiffany Network” reputation. Broadcast news was finally being taken seriously by everyone except the network “bean counters” who couldn't understand why their bosses allowed it to run at a loss. The bosses simply wanted something positive to point to when people complained about the “Beverly Hillbillies”. But that was then and this is now. 

The downfall of broadcast news can be traced to the creation of CNN. Not that CNN wasn't a great concept. Ted Turner, disturbed by what he saw as the bias of Dan Rather (letting his views intrude on the newscast), decided to create a non-biased 24/7 news service. Now, for the first time, the news had to be profitable. Too bad money and good journalism don't mix...unless you compromise your product.

For 11 years CNN just barely kept afloat. Then, in 1991, their coverage of the Gulf War changed everything. CNN was the only news organization with a live feed during the bombing of Baghdad. Their subsequent war coverage not only gave cable news credibility but large numbers. With numbers, came profit. 

Broadcast news had become big money just as the grizzled and aging old guard reporters were falling by the wayside. They were replaced by “journalists” who had a new agenda: fame, glory, big money and perfect hair. Journalistic credibility quickly eroded. By the time we got to the second Iraq war, the bar had been significantly lowered.

Smelling profits, other organizations entered the cable news frey. With their right wing bias, Fox gave CNN a run for its money, eventually knocking them into second place. In response, CNN became more conservative in its reporting. Just as bad, GE, a major war contractor, seized ownership of NBC and its cable news outlets.

During the second Gulf War a Bush administration genius came up with the idea of embedding journalists in with the military. Under the guise of freedom of the press, “embedding” reporters became a way to keep them in line. When you're out covering a war with the troops, the last thing you want is to piss them off. The fear of being cut from access, or worse, getting yourself killed, made the press more compliant and, ultimately, a willing tool of the Bush machine. They became a cheering squad for the war, presenting coverage that was little more than a squalid reality show. Reliable access to war information was cut off. Sometimes facts were even falsified.

As the disinformation grew, so did support for the war. At one point 75% of the American public believed Iraq helped perpetrate the events of 9/11. The news also pushed the notion of Iraq’s “weapons of mass destruction,” despite the lack of evidence. Bush and his boys played the press like a finely tuned violin.

A few alternative news sources protested but they were not widely accessible. It wasn't that the public was stupid -- just too trusting of their mainstream sources. Mainstream news had betrayed them.

Rather than do real investigative work, broadcast news got lazy, accepting press handouts from the “Bushies” without question. America was sold a bill of goods and the salesmen were the press. As if all that wasn’t bad enough, the way they’ve handled this national election is even worse:

“Hold that thought right there Senator Clinton, but as you know we have to go to a commercial break.” Who do you think made that statement? David Letterman? Larry King? It was NBC news anchor Brian “my eyes blink so much it looks like I'm sending a coded message” Williams. And he said it during a democratic presidential debate! Imagine interrupting a possible leader of the free world -- in mid sentence, no less -- to break for a commercial. Since when did debates of this kind even have commercials? Since broadcast news went into the dumper, that's when!

What's wrong with running commercials, you might ask? On commercial programs, ad costs are based on the size of the audience. How do you get a large audience? You create drama. So if your political debates are part of your commercial programming you cast them as you would a reality show. 

“Let's promote the good looking black guy against the white woman.” 

That had to be going through their heads. “Forget Edwards. There's no tension there. Besides he hates corporations and we are one.” 

The candidates that didn’t fit their scenario were cast as losers, making it impossible for them to get traction. The networks weren't promoting a debate as much as they were a “cage match.” Not only did they pick the players, they created the tension as well. 

The worst of them is Tim Russert, the pudgy, annoying chief of NBC's Washington bureau and moderator of “Meet The Press.” (The show should be renamed “Meet The Russert” since he monopolizes every discussion.) At one point during a debate he shouted at Hillary Clinton, then argued with her. Hey Tim, please look up the definition of moderator! 

Russet also trotted out endless poll numbers that pitted black voters against white voters. On one occasion he even made the blanket statement that Hispanic people don't like black people. What is the point of setting one group against another if not to jazz up the “cage match.” Thanks, Tim, for a hot heaping pile of race relations. 

On the sillier side, NBC reporter Andrea Mitchell (who’s married to Allan Greenspan) was swooning over Sen. Barack Obama. Then she went off the tracks entirely when she said “He has a lot of young supporters like Maria Shriver.” Maria Shiver? Young? Maybe to Mrs. Greenspan whose husband must be pushing a hundred and who herself is just a facelift away from looking like Norman Bates mother.

Then there is CNN. When he was running for the presidential nomination, Senator Christopher Dodd, would publish (on his website) the amount of debate time the candidates would get to state their various positions. Obama and Clinton usually got the lion's share. However, old Wolf spoke more than either of them. Shut up Wolf!!!! 

The Democratic debate in Cleveland, Ohio, was the biggest draw ever. Eight million people watched it and NBC cleaned up in advertising revenue. Creating this newest reality show by choosing the cast and selling it to America, had made the “cage match” a major hit.

Am I suggesting that news people be censored? No! I’m saying they should get back to the moral principals that guided broadcast journalism in its golden age. The networks should treat news as if were a wildlife sanctuary. Just sit in the brush, film the action and let nature take its course. Don't disturb the order of things. If you don't make money, run it as a loss and figure that’s your penance for running “Deal Or No Deal”. 

If you ever watched “Star Trek” you know there was “The Prime Directive.” It was the only crime -- interfering in the natural evolution of a civilization -- that carried the death penalty. Am I suggesting that these news creeps be executed for trying to meddle with the natural course of our lives? Of course not! 

Well, maybe. 

Monday, January 5, 2009

2008-Great Moments in Disappointment

by Tom Yamaguchi

Wow, it's January 2009 already. I'm still trying to catch up with all the year end newsletters I received from my family and friends in December. Here is one from my conservative Republican Uncle Forrest.

Dear Folks,
Our family has been truly blessed this past 2008. Our daughter Cindy was fifth in the state spelling bee, and her sister Suzie was a semifinalist in the National Trampoline Championship. Their brother Bobby spent all of football season on the bench, but, as he tells us, "It's better than getting my neck broken out there!" Bobby, he's such an optimist.

After the election, I decided to step down as the chairman of the county Republican Party. Things did not go the way we hoped this year. It started with a lackluster lineup of candidates in the primaries. I had almost given up hope last January when a friend told me about Fred Thompson. Yeah, he'll save us. He's an actor like Ronald Reagan. He's a real conservative like Reagan. Excited, I sat down to watch Fred announce his candidacy on live TV. Before it was over, I don't know who fell asleep first, Fred or me. When I did wake up I was looking at John McCain. After, a nice nap, McCain didn't look so bad. After a couple of beers, he looked even better.

We all welcomed Sarah Palin as the vice-presidential nominee. She weathered the onslaught of the liberal media who tried to embarrass her by asking her questions about stuff she doesn't know. What is this, Jeopardy? How many people on the street could tell you what the Bush Doctrine is? And those of us who do know, including Bush, are trying to forget what it is.
The scum media shamefully dragged Sarah's family problems into the public. Those reporters thought they had some kind of license just because Palin brought her unwed, pregnant daughter on stage, holding her baby brother so we wouldn't see her tummy. Hey, they were trying to keep it a secret until after the election. Don't talk about it! At least all that attention showed the world how Republicans can be pro-choice. We're all for it when the choice is being made by parents who are opposed to their daughters getting abortions.

So John McCain ended up looking like a crazy old guy wandering around the stage, and Sarah Palin had trouble convincing us she had relevant experience. Ok, so living close to Russia and signing a gas treaty with Canada isn't really conducting foreign policy. In my business, its called padding your resume. Hey, everyone does it. And Joe the Plumber! Where did they find him? We should have ditched him under somebody's sink in Ohio or some other state like that where he'd never be heard from again. I am sure then we would have had a chance. 

Yes, we made some big mistakes in 2008, but the biggest one was letting Barack Hussein Obama become our next President. Yeah, that one! We were sure he would turn this country into an Islamic, Communist dictatorship if we let him anywhere near the White House. But after the election, what has he been doing? He has been acting like the moderate he said he was during the campaign! Nobody is supposed to tell the truth during the campaign! That's not fair! It's un-American! How can we hate a guy who, it turns out, doesn't pal around with terrorists? Obama fooled everyone in both parties. On the bright side, the liberal Democrats will end up hating him more than we Republicans do.

Leaving my post at the GOP is just one of the many changes that are in store for 2009. A few days before Christmas, I received this email from my boss Ebenezer.
"Dear Staff:
"First, let me take this time to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas. Let's not forget there is still a War on Christmas, and I'm not going to let those politically correct, atheistic Commies destroy this joyous occasion.
"Second, let me inform you that your services are no longer needed as the company is now bankrupt and you are all being laid off. I want to thank you for all those years of pitching in to keep our struggling ship stay afloat in these perilous times. Thanks for rejecting the opportunity to unionize and for those wage and benefit givebacks. Your sacrifice has saved us some big bucks. Thanks for training the employees of our independent contractor Greywater Corp so that they could staff their new offices in India. This has helped us maintain our high level of customer service since the last round of layoffs in our domestic divisions. Unfortunately these efforts were not enough, but please do not feel too discouraged, especially when you see out CEO at his news conference tomorrow blaming the company's downfall on excessive payroll and fringe benefits. He is only trying to easy the pain being felt by our stockholders who have seen their shares drop from a high of $89 to yesterday's close of 17 cents. And even though he is leaving with a $12 million golden parachute, believe me, he feels as bad about this as I do. 
"One more thing. Since the company is bankrupt, there is no Christmas bonus or severance pay, but I hope we can still be friends on MySpace. You can write when I take my new position with Greywater in India. Kind regards, Ebenezer."
I will remember that email the rest of my life, and I hope you all have a memorable 2009. Love, Forrest

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A Sunday Something



Here's a day at the Alex Bennett Program.   This was shot on a Flip HD Video camera about the size of a box of matches.  Only problem is that Albert our producer had the day off.   But Michael and Scott are there Have fun.