Person Of The Year: Of course it's Barak Obama. You don't really get a bigger and better story than a black man making it to the house black men built. Add this to the fact that prior to this he did absolutely nothing and it makes for quite a saga. Now let's pray that the crap shoot works.
Worst Person Of The Year: It's just gotta be the "Grinch" Bernard Madoff. He broke the bank, in fact several banks. 50 billion dollars gone and one person has already blown his brains out over the loses.
People Who Got The Biggest Bum Rap This Year: Bill Ayers who used to be a memeber of the "Weather Underground" and was a suspected bomber but never convicted and who now is an older expert on education in the Chicago area. In order to lower people's opinion of Obama, Ayers past and links to Obama were dragged through the mud. To Ayers credit he said nothing. The other person who got caught in the whirlwind of besmerching Obama was the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, a firey Chicago preacher who married the Obama's. He was assailed for sermons that he gave. The only problem way, he was dead right on in everything he said.
Biggest Bummer Of The Year: The death of '50's pin-up icon Bettie Page and the death of Paul Newman who has been in movies for most of my life. Both of them left this world in great shape having left us with only great memories.
Biggest Story Of The Year: It would have been the election, but then the ecomomy went into the dumper and pushed it to the side. This had an effect on all of us. The bad part is that this may be an even bigger story next year.
The Best Non-American Non-story : Brit comedian Russell Brand invites Brit Tv presenter Jonathan Ross onto his BBC Radio Show. They then called Andrew Sachs whose only major claim to fame was that he played Manuel, the waiter on "Fawlty Towers". Ross then let loose to Sach's machine that Brand had fucked his grandaughter. Courtesy of the Guardian here is the transcript of what went on:
Russell Brand: Hello Andrew Sachs, this is Russell Brand … you are meant to be on my show now mate … I am here with Jonathan Ross. I could still do the interview to your answerphone.
Jonathan Ross: Let's do it …
Brand: Man … er, Andrew Sachs.
Ross: Don't call him Manuel, that's really bad manners. I apologise for Russell - he's an idiot.
Brand: I said Andrew Sachs! Look Andrew Sachs I have got respect for you and your lineage and your progeny, never let that be questioned.
Ross: Don't hint …
Brand: I weren't hinting! Why did that come across as a hint?
Ross: Because you know what you did…
Brand: That wasn't a hint …
Ross: He fucked your granddaughter!
[laughter in the studio]
Brand: That's his answerphone!
Ross: I'm sorry … I apologise Andrew, I apologise, I can't help it, you were talking about it and it was in my head, I apologise.
Brand: Jonathan!
Ross: I got excited, what can I say, it just came out.
Brand: Right. you wait till I come on your show. Andrew Sachs I did not do nothing with Georgina … oh no, I revealed I know her name! Oh no, it's a disaster! Abort, abort! Put the phone down, put the phone down, code red, code red! I'm sorry Mr Fawlty, I'm sorry. You're a waste of space! Oh no, Jonathan …
Ross: Why did you tell me? I forgot. You mentioned her and then it was in my head and then it came out.
Brand: I know you can't be blamed for this … It's too much for you …
Ross: He is the poor man at home sobbing over his answer machine.
Brand: What's going to happen? I will get a call now from the satanic sluts.
Ross: If he is like most people of a certain age he has probably got a picture of his grandchildren when they were young and innocent right by the phone. So while he is listening to the message he is looking at a picture of her when she was about nine on a swing …
Brand: She was on a swing when I met her … let's ring back Andrew Sachs.
[They call for a second time]
Ross: Hello! Manuel here!
Sachs: [his answer machine message] Sorry I can't answer at the moment …
Brand: [interrupting] … I am too busy thinking about killing myself … Andrew, this is Russell Brand. I am so sorry about the last message - it was part of the radio show, it was a mistake … The truth is I am phoning you to ask if I can marry - that's right, marry - Georgina the granddaughter.
Ross: And I would like to be a page boy.
Brand: He wants to be a page boy, we are going to have a Fawlty Towers-themed wedding.
Ross: Now you've spoilt it!
Brand: No! I made it better. I'm sorry, I'll do anything. I wore a condom. Put the phone down! Oh what's going to happen. Look I've got a mental illness. Do you think that made it better?
Ross: You will never become king rat in the Variety Club now.
Brand: Oh no, that's over for me now … Jonathan I think we've made the situation worse ... We've got to stop upsetting Manuel. This time Jonathan I'm convinced we can make it better.
Ross: Let's just sing to him.
Brand: I'll make up something as I go along…
[Third message]
Brand: [singing…] I'd like to apologise for the terrible attacks, Andrew Sachs, I would like to show contrition to the max, Andrew Sachs. I would like to create world peace, between the yellow, white and blacks, Andrew Sachs, Andrew Sachs. I said something I didn't have oughta, like I had sex with your granddaughter. But it was consensual and she wasn't menstrual, it was consensual lovely sex. It was full of respect I sent her a text, I've asked her to marry me, Andrew Sachs …
Ross: This has made it worse, you have trivialised the whole incident.
Brand: Hang up, hang up! It's trivialised it!
Ross: You know there is one way we could possibly make it better …
Brand: We can keep ringing, and even after the show's finished, kick his front door in and scream apologies into his bottom.
Ross: Hello, Manuel is not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone…
[Fourth message]
Brand: I am sorry, I am so sorry … that I had a difficult life, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Andrew. Let's just take some time together, we can meet up.
Ross: You're making it worse, just say sorry.
Brand: Jonathan Ross is sorry as well, it was his idea … Sorry about everything that's ever happened …
[Later]
Brand: No one could have been offended by anything that went on in that show.
Ross: Who could possibly be offended by anything there? If they were they are crazy people.
Brand: If Andrew Sachs listens to his answerphone message when he gets it …
Ross: The saving grace is you didn't have anything to do with his granddaughter did you?
Brand: Oh actually I did, I slept with her, but it was ultimately undermined, not undermined, underlined with love.
On the day after the incident only a handful of people called the "Beeb" to complain. Three weeks later due to excessive tabloid coverage that blew it way out of proportion over 30,000 called in their disgust even though most of them never heard the broadcast. It had reached critical mass and resulted in Brand quiting his radio show to pursue a movie career and the BBC putting Ross on unpaid suspension from his TV shows. The world economy including Britain's was in turmoil, but this was the big story. And we thought we were the only ones who could get trivial.
Having said all of this there is only one thing left and that is to wish all of you,
Happy New Year!!!!!!
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