Gee can it be? Yet another birthday is here or as I like to think of it, a little closer to "the grave ever yawning" as John Cleese once described it to me.
I have always had a great fear of death, so the prospect that with every year that goes by the cataclysm gets to be more of a possibility doesn't rest well. I suppose that the thing that scares me most about death is not knowing you are dead. Non existence isn't something I could ever wrap my brain around. My father used to tell me that I had been there and pointed out that I was non-existent before I was born. After that I had trouble going to sleep pondering that one.
I suppose if you believe in God then what happens after we have shuffled off this mortal coil is an easy one to live with. You die, God says "hello" in a cheery voice and it's off to the Elysian Fields. It's all happy and warm and wax lips abound in the happy land of death.
Wait a minute, hold on! Does this mean I'm going to be with all my relatives, you know, the ones I could barely wait to get away from at family occasions? Does that mean I have to put up with church music all the time? Which way to hell? Flames may lick your ass, but at least you'll be with the fun people. You can always find a good hooker or a joint to light with the eternal flames of hell. I could never get with the whole God thing. It just made no real sense, but I'm sure if there is a God he will admire my honesty and forgive me.
Bettie Davis summed it up best when she said "old age ain't for sissies". Everything starts to fall apart. Your eyes start to go, the prostate has it's way with you, you fart more and getting up out of a chair is always accompanied by a guttural "Uhh". The worst part I feel is agility. Gone are the days of hopping over anything. I get envious of people who can stand on a chair to change a light bulb without having to hold onto something,
"Girlfriend" wants to cremate me. I'll wind up in an urn in her storage locker in Pennsylvania next to her parents. Then when she dies and the fee for the unit goes unpaid they will empty out the locker and throw the stuff away. My whole existence will have ended up in a dumpster near an outlet mall in Pennsylvania.
So I guess I'll just have to go on living forever.
7 comments:
Happy Birthday, Dear One. "Girlfriend' loves you.
I've always had much the same fears, Alex. Just never existing any more bugs the hell out of me. But the idea of living forever in Heaven bugs me more. How the hell can something never end? Anyway, I don't think the abyss is going to claim you anytime soon. We'll still have Alex Bennett to kick around for many years to come, I think.
That's why you enter into a profession where your name or the things you created last forever.
It's when people stop saying your name, that it's truly the end of the line.
Be an architect or a writer...your creations and idea's outlive you and your corpse.
- Dan in Orlando
You just have to set your wishes in your will and to ensure its followed to threaten to give all your money to the US Nazi party or some other group your relatives/friends hate (former SS officers college fund) if your wishes are not carried out to the letter.
Mr. X
I recently went for an operation, a bronchoscopy last July. My mind was all over the map as the drugs kicked in. The experience was delightful. I believe I will miss my friends but I'm sure my ghost will haunt them for awhile. Loved your commentary on Bill Hicks. I saw him perform in the early days of the Comedy Workshop in Houston. I wish I had his jokes. LOL.
alex
This is barbara, girlfriends friend who just received you addresses. YESTERDAY i wanted to die having gotten up with an unrecognized migraine,,did not realize what was wrong until evening, and took the the med and it was gone. But during the day I wished I was dead..what could be wrong with death? What I will miss is knowing what happens to my son, the world, etc. I'm curious.but death is nothing and for god that is a palalitive for people who need some constant outside support. I do believe the people emit freqencies while alive and which travels through the air but we recognize it. I believe some people believe this is god. We are nothing but chemical reactions that communicate with each other giving us life.//If you take a brain out into the air with 10 minutes it will run through your fingers like diluted mayo. Study the science of the body and you will be amazed and the fear of death will leave you.
Hope to see you, HAPPY BIRTHDAY barbara
We all realize that death cannot be avoided, put off maybe but that is all.
As a genealogist I spend a great deal of time in cemeteries. I read the names, see a few decorations,a picture or a flag. These are the new graves with family and friends who still remember.
There are other, older stones with fading inscriptions and weeds everywhere. These are the graves of those whose family and friends have long ago moved here as well.
The real tragedy of death is to make this final stop with only a funeral director to say goodbye. It is well to be mourned, to have friends and family there to say goodbye. Your life has had meaning and not been for nothing if someone cries at your passing
Leonard
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